I’m going to take a few minutes to discuss a topic that I have not addressed before but today I’m going there.  I’m going there because my timeline is often filled with stories of woe and heartbreaks…and I want to help.  The topic is love and how important it is to not only get the girl of your dreams but to keep from losing her.  I’m going there because so many of us out there are struggling with finding the love and happiness that comes from a great relationship.  Today I going there because part of discovering the creative process and finding your purpose is being centered emotionally.

But first…

…I’m going to tell you something that may shock most guys out there.  It’s a lie we have been told most of our lives and a lie that most women hate.  That lie is that nice guys finish last, finish best, and that we should all aspire to be a nice guy to get the girl.  This is a lie, a bold face lie.  Nice guys do not finish last, they finish in the friend zone forever, they end up turning off most women, they are not in high demand.  If women wanted nice guys, there would not be so many topics on nice guys and friend zones.  Most women perceive nice guys as not assertive enough, too laid back, sending confusing signals, and sometimes having ulterior motives.  With the introduction of new dating concepts such as ghosting and catfishing women are forced to closely examine the motives of every guy that comes at them.  To add insult to injury they have had to cut through the bullshit of guys claiming to be nice only to turn out to be assholes in the long run…99.9% want to reclaim their time back.

Women want to be excited, surprised, and kept guessing romantically.  Women are way more open today about their sexuality then in times past, if you are looking for a reserved Claire Huxtable type, forget it, you are more likely to find you an Issa Rae type.  More to the point, and to be honest, nice guys are not attractive to most modern women because they are perceived as unable to excite them and some even feel nice guys are insecure in themselves.  Nice guys come off as sexually boring and unadventurous.  Most modern women love the idea being able to function in a space that allows them to be themselves unapologetically and the idea of being with a nice guy that may hide insecurities takes away from their security.

MAGNETIC (Dynamic) dudes always win…

Women are NOT attracted to bad boys, that’s another myth.  Women are attracted to men that are totally themselves, kind to others, and keep them on their toes romantically.  Yes, it’s that simple.  Men that are steady in their confidence, present a level of excitement and intrigue, and are honest with themselves always get the girl.  Magnetic men have a certain energy about them when they walk into a room.  They seem to own it and all eyes are on them…and that kind of energy attracts women.  It’s a biological and primal reaction to a man who is focused, driven, and confident.  When said man speaks his honest truth, women swoon over them, it’s a refreshing thing to behold in a world of fakeness and pretense.

It really works when you are yourself….it worked for me…

First and foremost I’m not a nice guy…at all.  I used to try to be a nice guy and would get mad when women told me I was not a nice guy.  I mean I really was offended whenever a woman would challenge me on my niceness but they were right.  I’m not a nice guy…not even close.  It took me years to figure this fact out and accept it.  I failed a lot when it came to dating because I was trying to be the nice guy I thought women wanted…it never worked out for me.  I’m not a nice guy…

I became more attractive to women when I started being myself, pure and simple.  It took me years to come to the realization of who I was and what I wanted in life.  Once I accepted the truth of who I was everything changed.  My confidence grew, I became more sure of my place in the world, and overnight women started noticing me in a different light.  As Shakespeare  said, “to thine own self be true, and as sure as night turns to-day, you can never be untrue to any man (or woman).”   Women are perceptive and can smell bullshit a mile away…better to be honest…they love brutal honesty.   It actually turns them on when you speak from the heart, speak your truth, and live with purpose and passion.

Being honest does not mean being an Asshole.  Please don’t confuse that issue, no one likes an asshole.  Women like honest dudes that are kind and will look out for them and have concerns for their feelings….while being themselves.

Your truth and honestly are vital to your success in love and creativity.   Don’t underestimate your own voice and how important your own truth is for women.  Finding and getting the girl of your dreams will help you center your life…it will complete you….but only if you get over the notion of being a nice guy and start being more honest with yourself.   She will appreciate it.

I’m not a nice guy and that’s okay.

-CJ Guy