For the last few weeks I have been telling people I only want a “Fuck Yes” (as described by Mark Manson) kind of life. I have been adamant about what “Fuck Yes” means to me, every aspect of my life from love to work to family and everything in-between. I even went to the top of mountains and dared the universe to give me what I wanted. I told the universe I wanted a woman who inspired me and a career that made a difference. I promised the universe I would be ready to jump into my purpose when the time came. I would be ready and not afraid to step out on faith and into my destiny.
…and then it happened. The universe tested me when I least expected it and in a place I least expected.
I was sitting in the job I hate, in yet another meeting that felt pointless and without purpose, being led by a passionless boss. And then a new co-worker came into the room and sat next to me…and everything changed. I’m normally professional on my job but I could not help but glance at this Nubian goddess with all the stature and unflinching grace of a sista straight outta Wakanda. When she spoke her voice inspired every black girl magic moment I ever witnessed. I had never been so mesmerized in my life…and as I was scrambling to understand what I was feeling and keep my cool…the universe intervened once again….speaking to me as a father to a son.
“You asked and I answered…she’s the one…now what are you going to do?”
For the first time in my life, I found myself speechless, unsure, nervous…almost in a panic…I felt sweat developing under my sports jacket. Was I having a heart attack or panic attack…please God not now.
This woman was the epitome of every number one 90’s slow jam. She sent me swinging, was going to be all I thought about night and day, her whip appeal had me feeling like I could spread my wings to fly away, she WAS my kind of girl. If this isn’t love, I don’t know what love is. If life imitates art, this woman was a perfect mix of perfections and imperfections and a living manifestation of the greatest piece of art ever created.
She spoke with a regalness, not seen on the yards of Harvard or Howard, but as if she was educated in the shadows of the pyramids of Ra and the holy temples Helios. Surely this woman was a descendent of the Gods themselves. She captured the room with her presence, in way reserved for royalty, but in actuality her stature was the naturalness of black girl magic on full display.
I wanted to have her, not to bed her, but to make her my wife, the mother of future Presidents and CEO’s, the nurturer of my dreams, the first and last person I saw everyday in this lifetime and the next, my reason for being, my WHY.
I had to know more about her, to know her thoughts, her wishes, her dreams, her fears. I wanted to read every chapter in the book of her life, fold the pages of my favorite parts of her life, and highlight the excerpts of the dark times so I could hold and protect the most vulnerable parts of her essence. My job as her future husband would be to protect her, cover her, lead our family, be her strength when she needed to be vulnerable, and never let her feel insecure in a world that thrives on insecurity. I would be her man, her lover, her friend, her travel partner, the best father to our kids, the sun to her moon, and her biggest fan.
As I was struggling to find the right words to describe this woman and how her very presence made me feel she turned to me and smiled…and that was it. In 3 seconds she calmed my racing mind, silenced my speech, captured my heart, became the visual interpreter of my dreams, and inspired the rest of my life in one 3 second smile.
Now it was on me…and I was could not speak…I could not find words worthy of our first conversation…the universe had tested me and found me wanting.
…and then I awoke.
It was just a dream. A dream like no other, it was a warning from the universe to be ready when the moment came. The dream was the universe’s way of saying get ready, get focused, she’s coming your way and you need to be ready. She will be your “Fuck yes” and you will know right away, don’t settle for anything else. Be ready to take action, be ready to be intentional, be ready to be charming, be ready to be real, be ready to show her I’m the ONE she was praying for.